nothing left

third post in a day...
so much thoughts in me
can i think straight??

just went ta meet THEM
they said they wanted to talk
well
just went along lor
i wonder...
do they know??
do they realise??
which part was true??
which part was a mask??
was it totally true??
was it totally false??
the scariest lie is half-truths
it may sound true but it isnt
can anyone see through it??
can anyone uncover it??
i wonder
can they
as the people who supposedly know me best
see through my mask
uncover my mask
can they??
can anyone??
im not perfect
someone should be able to
but till then
no one has
no one can

anyone afraid of the dark??
not me
i welcome it
i love it
i hide in it
can being innocent help anyone??
or can darkness help more??
i wonder...

this mask
too long
can anyone uncover it for me??
im so used to it that even i
forgot my true personality
or has it become my personality
being able to adapt fast
being able to change
is it good??
is it bad??
well
THEY dont seem to believe
THEY dont believe i can change
THEY dont know my scary part
THEY dont really know me
does anyone??
sometimes people i dont know
know me better than my friends
they can see through me
but my friends have be blinded
is this good??
is this bad??
do THEY expect to see me crying??
do THEY expect to see me sad??
do THEY expect to see my hidden face??
i wonder
my emotions are very well in place
they never show
not to any human
this wont change
no matter to whom
ever watched V for Vendetta??
i have a mask like that
one that smiles forever
and i wear it forever
can anyone see through the lie??
the lie that has been there since 7??
the lie that has been forgotten??
the lie that has never been uncovered??
i wonder
can you??
can THEY??
i doubt it
even if they see this
they will never know
when was i true
when was i masked
gone are the days of true happiness
gone are the days of emotions
i am now hidden forever

i wanna pull out of school...
for a year or so
to calm down
to think
to just lie there
not moving
but i cant
cuz no one can know about this
no one can realise this false mask
there is no choice for me
i must follow
i must continue
i must go forward
i must tear myself away
i must let go
i must forget

must i??
i dont want to
so many good times were spent with them
so many
uncountable
but they link to sad ones
to forget the sad
i must forget the good
do i have a choice??
i wonder

am i going insane??
the blow seemed alittle more
alittle more than my control
typing seems to help
cycling seems to help
but not enough
i just feel like smashing something someone
can i hold myself back??
can i suppress myself??
must i??
i know i can just let loose
all my anger
all my rage
but i mustnt
no one must know
no one can know
hidden are these feelings
hidden are these thought

the cruelty of the world is hidden
such is the illusion of reality
such is the darkness of reality

tainted reality
can truth survive??
can innocence survie??
or will they conform??
will they change??
will they adapt??
will they become like me??
a mask that hides the face forever
or will they remain true??
a person who stands out
a person who challenges change
a person who challenges the world
can you??
or will you succumb
to the darkness of the world??
i wonder...