gone

i wanted to write a story today...
had a beatiful plot...
and fantasy story...
could have written it...
but oh wells...

recieved bad news two days back....
stumbled on worse news today...
sad aint it....
oh wells...
i guess when this kinda things happen...
all i need to do is just...
leave it all behind...
move on...
tear away all uneeded emotions...
will take awhile...
wont be online or blogging anytime soon...
rather be left in solitude...
i'll get over it...
just not so soon...

blood raging...
emotions soaring...
adrenaline pumping...
hate building...
slowly all these will disappear...

whats the point of being happy when everthing is just a farce...
whats the point of happiness when it make you know sadness...
whats the point of being elated when they still leave...

now everyone shall just see a front...
a false front...
a decpetion...
all the falsehoods will be hidden...
hidden so intricately behind more deceptions...
what is truth and what is lies???
will anyone know???
will anyone find out???
whoever finds out has to be a genius...
or the creator of this monstrous being...
the being of deception
the being of falsehoods
the being of lies
who will know???
ever so vigilant...
ever so careful...
will this being be found??
is it you??
is it me??
is it her??
who is it??
maybe it is not a person...
maybe it is many...
is it that group??
is it that cult??
is it that goverment??
who can it be??
is it hiding amongst the obvious??
is it hidden so deep within the depths of darkness??
who know??
i wonder...
can you figure it out??
such is the illusion of reality...
and such is the world...
everyone hides things..
everyone lies..
when do they lie??
and when do they not??
who can figure everyone out??
which genius has seen the truth??
which fool has fell to the darkness??
who defines such people??
self-proclaimers are liars
white lies are harmless...
how sure are you about that??
lies are still lies...
how can anyone not lie??
is it possible??
i wonder...
darkness reside in everyone...
collegues backstab
friends crush
familes devour
internal strife is so much scarier than an external foe
what can anyone do to stop this...
this downward spiral of the world...
can anyone stop it??
can anyone put an end to it??
not that i know of...
not yet so far...
such is the insanity of the world...
who defines sanity??
can you??
or are you conforming to the world's idea of sanity??
who say the insane are truly insane??
who says the sane are sane??
who knows??
a sane man could be insane
an insane man could be sane
am i sane??
the world says i am
but i dont feel that way
thoughts clogging up my mind
questions fill up my thoughts
so confused
so annoyed
is the world coming to an end
i hope so
at least then emotions will be no more
saddness causes hate
hate leads to vengence
vengence brings sadness
the neverending cycle
can anyone stop it before it worsens??
impossible...
will a mircle happen??
will my hate go away??
will my saddness disappear??
i doubt it...
it will however be suppressed...
along with many other memories...
many other experiences
many other feelings
many other emotions...
hidden away it will be
surface again it might
but who will know
when
how
where
other than myself no one else will know
everything shall be locked up
everything shall be hidden
everything shall be covered
can you see through my mask??
no one has
no one ever did
not for ten years...
no one can
no one will
is a smiling face always happy
is a laughing face truly happy
have you all been decieved??
who has and who hasnt??
am i always happy??
am i always laughing??
is it real??
or am i just entertaining you??
i wonder...
people come people go
who can remember every single person who cried??
who can remember every single mind that was lost??
who can remember every single pain of the world??
no one can
no one will
neither would many of us be remembered
along with the years everyone will be forgotten
can anyone remember the names of your ancestors??
who bothers??
who cares??
do you??
do you bother only about yourself??
or do you truly bother about those around you??
or are those a farce too??
who will know??
i wonder..
who can confirm everything that was supposedly the truth??
who can confirm everything that was supposedly lies??
who can??
who will??
lies can be spun to cover for other lies...
if we all lied just once a day
how many times you have lied by now??
remember you would need another lie to cover up for the previous one...
the endless number of possible lies...
can you see through them??
am i fine??
i wonder
am i sane??
i wonder
will anyone know??
will anyone find out??
will anyone even bother??
who knows??
who cares??
the world has billions of people
will anyone remember but one insignificant nameless person??
the many that are dying everyday
who remembers their names??
who remembers them??
no one but their family
and soon after years
no one at all
are you indisposible??
impossible
people come people go
its the same for you
its the same for me
its the same for everyone
end.

beautiful story??
sad memories??
these were just mere thoughts of mine
can you feel what im feeling now??
can you understand the pain im in??
can ou even comprehend my situation??
i wonder
how would you feel being torn apart by your only two best friends
how would you react
how can you react
you may choose one
but what if they both chose the other over you??
you will be thrown aside
discarded like a worthless item
do you have a choice??
leaving is but the only road left
torn apart and discarded

emotions... discarded
memories... discarded
thoughts... discarded
change... instilled
update... complete
thats the first few steps...
calming my self down...
hopefully THEY dont bother me anymore...
goodbye to THEM
there were good times
there were bad times...
but that was unacceptable...