disintegrating

is anyone there??
i feel my sanity is going
not broken
not shattered
but disintegrating
never to come back
forcing myself forward
but without meaning
whats the point
sometimes i just wana be alone
hidden away
perhaps for eternity
at least i wont be hurt anymore
being alone isnt scary
being hurt is
can anyone out there help??
can you??
is there anyone to help me??
piece by piece i fall apart
how long will my sanity stay
but i need to keep up impressions
no one can see through my mask
no one shall
trust no one
every time i trust
something happens
does crying help??
no
does asking help??
no
what can i do??
who can i fall back on??
im was there for her
but no one's got my back
if i fall i'll break
but does anyone care??
does anyone know??
they mustnt
no one can
no one shall
slowly my sanity whittles away
how long can i hold it??
how long will it stay??
can i ever pull it together again??
should i??
so many questions
im backed to a corner
surrounded
so many problems
cant run
cant hide
can i use my last resort??
should i??
sometimes to forget is such a beautiful thing
should i??
forget the two friends that i trust most
should i??
once i forget than the pain is gone
but if i do then so's all happiness
what should i do??
what can i do??
staying in the corner
thinking
slowly...
i want to leave this closet of mine
but every time i try
i get hurt
i guess the safest place
is still my closet
to hole myself up
trust no one
believe no one
such is my way of life now
frozen is all emotions
shattered is all dreams
heart of ice
never to warm up again
i feel like there's something eating away in me
slowly draining me
slowly killing me
can anyone help??
can you??
but will you??
should you??
so many questions i want to ask
but THEY are happy
should i be glad
or should i be jealous??
my best of friends
together
should i be happy??
should i not??
torn between feelings
i wana tear THEM apart
but i cant bear to
i wana be glad for THEM
but i cant bring myself to
a mask is helpful
it always is
hidden behind my mask
a smiling mask
i will smile and laugh
but i can never find happiness
can you bring me there again??
can someone cut my feelings out??
can someone cut my emotions out??
if you can please do
i cant take it anymore
balancing on a thread...
one side's insanity
one side's death
where will i fall??
or will i make it to the light??
that small speck of hope
it seems so far...
and it's so pain to continue moving
it hurts every step i take
and now it hurts too much to take another
should i continue??
or can someone help me make a choice??
insanity or death??
help me
someone
anyone
but can you??
should you??
is anyone there??
i feel my sanity going
not broken
not shattered
but disintegrating
never to come back