tainted reality

memories

2009-02-27T17:50:00.002+08:00

went looking around my room for smth which i kinda forgot what...
oh wells
but i stubled upon some really old memories...
when i say its old it means bout 2-3 years maybe??

wonder if they are still remembered??

2009-02-22T22:26:00.002+08:00

ok so far two friends wants me to advertise that they want to give tuition...

for one :-

pri sch to sec one...

teaching
anything for pri sch...(i also think it'll be easy)
for sec sch is sci, maths chinese...

her grades
sci - a1
maths - a2
chi - a1

for two:-

sec1 & above

teaching
eng, maybe lit

her grades
eng - a2

anyone? just sms me...or comment if you dont know my number...

danger zone

2009-02-01T16:59:00.004+08:00

ok apparently here's what goin on...
chionging PW fer tmr...
exams start nxt week
and what more i dont really need to care for both...
i can just go fer it nxt yr
but my teammates will die la...
so im nt gona let them die....
at least not without a fight
but one thing fo sho
i need ta either transfer or confirm stay back lo
my combined GPA is like gone la
even if i get max for the exams i still fail...
i think...
oh wells...
just realised alot of people in my class have blogs...
but they lke nvr say only...
and two of them were deleted...
duno why leh...
ask them nxt time lor...
oh wells
will be MIA-ing for awhile...
wana write a book...
at least try to la...
will have to do chapter by chapter...
if not my brain will go siao...
overload...
ah wells...
see how lor...
got inspiration den write again lor...
if i force out then nt interesting le...
after i write then maybe i upload it somehow...
then you guys can coment...
yea gtg PWs...emphasis on S...

gotcha

2009-01-29T23:04:00.002+08:00

alrights....
i went to watch a movie with a friend of mine
lol...
we watched...
wait for it
[drum roll]
wedding game...
honestly
i didnt expect a really good movie
but
after watching it
i was like
niccceeeeeeee
all in all it was pretty hilarious
yea
but before that
i got to know a new 'game'
the stock market
virtual
they use the real time stocks
but give each account 50000 virtual cash
no money needed
nth
so i just tried lor
then i used all my cash immediately
dumb move...
seriously...
all biz students should know...
but i guess if some people are high risk takers
i belong to the extreme risk takers
lmao...
oh wells
but on the way home...
i was bored stiff
and to show you how bored i was
here's what i did
i spoke to myself?!
lol
not out loud obviously...
but if you were there looking at me
it'll be pretty funny
all the facial expressions
lol...
but while thinking
i guess
i realised life's a choice...
and to make it more detailed
its actually yes or no only
there's nothing else...
let me explain
for example you are taking O's tmr
Do you want to study for it? Y / N
on the day itself
Do you choose to panic? Y / N
simple aint it??
if that analogy itsnt enough to put my point across
you could always leave a comment/tag
or sms/call me
oh wells...
i guess this is it fer the dae...
ciaos~~
abrupt aint it??
lmao...

weird

2009-01-29T11:05:00.002+08:00

actually wanted to blog yesterday...
but was made to sleep...
sian-ed
so i decided to blog in sch instead

yesterday i heard the most amusing thing of the day...
i overheard a conversation between two JC guys...
they were like talking about chem and physics...
and im like wondering
well most poly peeps talk about where to go later
what to eat...
so on so forth
but they are like so what to study
and its CNY havent they heard of 'relac one corner'
so it might not be holidays
but still dudess
its still a festive season
go out and chill
party or smth
but study?!
oh wells different culture i suppose

and im bored stiff here
wanted to watch a movie
on my computer
but apparently i dont have a earpiece
so i cant listen to the movie
so i ended up playing my games...
without my mouse
which i also forgot to bring...
such a big hassle...
ah wells
life still goes on...
sometimes i really wonder
what happens if computers werent invented...
what would life be like then??
it'll seem pretty boring to me...
the guys who invented computers and air-cons are da best
...
nvm getting abit the random...
oh wells
for now
ciao~~

Happy CNY

2009-01-27T01:22:00.002+08:00

ok...so its kinda the second day of CNY...
oh wells...
anyways i just realised that i have views!!
...
ok nvm...
it was just very amusing for me...
i expected a dead blog...
but apparently some people read...
oh wells...
leave a msg or smth when you next come by
and all my 23 mangas im reading have no updates...
like hello~~
23!!!
not even one update?!?!
rawr...
oh wells...
gona watch my huge collection of movies instead then...
and please...
if you have facebook add me
im just looking for more people recruit...
hahas
gaming...
CNY was ok today
went over to granny's hse at like what 7+pm
cuz dad had ta go meeting with US peeps
oh wells...
but we watch my cuz play fatal frame 2
which he was really afraid of playing...
but he was 'forced' ta anyways
in a sense
cuz another cuz of mine wanted to watch
so he cant really say no now can he...
:P
for about 3 hours we watched my cuz play
different games obviously
but nothing really interesting happened today...
other than 'ang baos'
CNY is pretty much based on MahJong aint it...
hahas
anyone up for a game or two??
go viwawa or smth
or look me up
if im free i wouldnt mind
sorry to my sec 4 mates
im kinda busy later today
can go play MJ
really want to
but goin visiting with my parents
more 'ang baos'
lmao
money-faced
:P
oh wells

done and over

2009-01-22T22:21:00.002+08:00

well im all over it
had a big cry over this issue
in front of them...
hugged and well lets just say its all over now...
but still a few unanswered questions
course change confirmed
nt by sch bt by me
wakakakakakakaka
well...
mum approves
i approve
teacher checking for me
what's there to stop it?
all there's left is well to write in and request it
and well do well for it after the transfer
pinky promised it

cell

2009-01-21T23:57:00.002+08:00

felt more relaxed after cell today i guess
alittle more 'unhurt'
but oh wells
the pain will slowly go away i guess
but i still wish i could just quit sch for a year
want the time to think and well slowly recover
too affected to continue
a change would be nice
but well im too used to my life as it was
now im living in the middle
slowly plodding onward to the other side
the older side??
maybe
i guess
i cant stay the same anymore
things are now different
very different
too different
i cant brush it off anymore
i cant pretend it's still the same
i must move on i guess
otherwise i'll just rot and die like a useless person
i wouldnt want that...
oh wells just gotta busy myself till the blow is softened i guess
MOB time...then IDEAS
then well see how things go from there...
maybe start writing again...
been on my mind for quite awhile now...
but was too gloomy to write properly
CRS today was an argumentitive essay
just the intro
and conclusion
the body was in points form
was the first to be let off
cuz i was working alone
and i had two sides in me then
the irrational and the rational
the rational was for the statement
the irrational was against
obviously the rational side won
but at least the irrational side managed to get two arguements in
but i personally approved only one...
and whats more this point was given to me by my bro
stem cell research
i dont wana disgust you with the details
but if you wana ask me
or search online
or if you know him ask him
but just be prepared...
cuz this even goes against the morals of my irrational sadistic side
want to talk to them today
but they werent free ATM
but oh wells...
tmr or smth then...
for now they are spared...
muahahahahahahahahahaha
i guess my chirpy and cheery side is back again
:P:P:P:P:P:P
no more worries
no more cries
they are all in the past now...
thanks to those who help
namely them and noodles
these three helped alot
but i still got a question needed to be answered
the only person that can answer it is well...
myself
what do i strive for??
oh wells
for now ciao~~

pain

2009-01-21T01:22:00.002+08:00

i felt this before
but not in a long time
my heart aches
literally
like there's something there
grasping it
not letting go
help
it hurts so much
its like my body's not mine anymore
get it out of me
so angry
rage
wrath
feel like tearing things apart
feel like letting myself just go loose
sometimes not knowing pain is better
pain's slowly going
i hope it leaves
instead of this naggy feeling im getting
if i snap at you...
please understand
my emotions are raging right now
cant really handle them all
so if im alittle more short tempered
alittle more unhappy please do understand

will i smile again
will i laugh again
with them??
can i??
it wont be the same anymore
not by a long shot...

lost

2009-01-21T00:11:00.002+08:00

im at a loss of words...
i guess there's a first for everything...
quite lost now
dont feel like doing anything
i could leave right??
i could just pull out of sch
but my classmates would probably hate me
just gona finish my PW
then well
i guess anyhow do the EOYs
then transfer out lor
i hope after CNY i'll feel better
my bro's gona leave this sun
sad aint it??
just before CNY...
life wont be the same anymore
oh wells
i'll adapt i guess
everyone changes
i suppose this is my cue to

random

2009-01-20T12:12:00.002+08:00

life's like a war
each step is like a battle
but for what do i fight for??
for what do i step forth??
the battle field's too noisy
cant think
gotta hide away
think
for what
a meaningless war is pointless
hate doing pointless stuff
gotta find a meaning then...
hopefully soon
oh wells...
ciao~

clear??

2009-01-20T03:16:00.002+08:00

well...
just spoke to my 'bro'
clarified things up
i guess
feel much better now
but still have alot to figure out
need ta do this alone tho
doubt anyone can help
oh wells
gona do some of my PW first
then my stories
maybe i'll find it
hopefully soon...
ciao~

disintegrating

2009-01-20T00:20:00.002+08:00

is anyone there??
i feel my sanity is going
not broken
not shattered
but disintegrating
never to come back
forcing myself forward
but without meaning
whats the point
sometimes i just wana be alone
hidden away
perhaps for eternity
at least i wont be hurt anymore
being alone isnt scary
being hurt is
can anyone out there help??
can you??
is there anyone to help me??
piece by piece i fall apart
how long will my sanity stay
but i need to keep up impressions
no one can see through my mask
no one shall
trust no one
every time i trust
something happens
does crying help??
no
does asking help??
no
what can i do??
who can i fall back on??
im was there for her
but no one's got my back
if i fall i'll break
but does anyone care??
does anyone know??
they mustnt
no one can
no one shall
slowly my sanity whittles away
how long can i hold it??
how long will it stay??
can i ever pull it together again??
should i??
so many questions
im backed to a corner
surrounded
so many problems
cant run
cant hide
can i use my last resort??
should i??
sometimes to forget is such a beautiful thing
should i??
forget the two friends that i trust most
should i??
once i forget than the pain is gone
but if i do then so's all happiness
what should i do??
what can i do??
staying in the corner
thinking
slowly...
i want to leave this closet of mine
but every time i try
i get hurt
i guess the safest place
is still my closet
to hole myself up
trust no one
believe no one
such is my way of life now
frozen is all emotions
shattered is all dreams
heart of ice
never to warm up again
i feel like there's something eating away in me
slowly draining me
slowly killing me
can anyone help??
can you??
but will you??
should you??
so many questions i want to ask
but THEY are happy
should i be glad
or should i be jealous??
my best of friends
together
should i be happy??
should i not??
torn between feelings
i wana tear THEM apart
but i cant bear to
i wana be glad for THEM
but i cant bring myself to
a mask is helpful
it always is
hidden behind my mask
a smiling mask
i will smile and laugh
but i can never find happiness
can you bring me there again??
can someone cut my feelings out??
can someone cut my emotions out??
if you can please do
i cant take it anymore
balancing on a thread...
one side's insanity
one side's death
where will i fall??
or will i make it to the light??
that small speck of hope
it seems so far...
and it's so pain to continue moving
it hurts every step i take
and now it hurts too much to take another
should i continue??
or can someone help me make a choice??
insanity or death??
help me
someone
anyone
but can you??
should you??
is anyone there??
i feel my sanity going
not broken
not shattered
but disintegrating
never to come back

MOB

2009-01-19T11:17:00.002+08:00

arghh
MOB PW sux
the textbook - useless
the online lectures - useless
the tutorial notes - useless
how to do la...
anyhow squeeze lor
sianed
looking at the class now
everyone's chionging PW
laptop
notes all out
so crazy
so tense??
but i dont feel it
i found out smth different about my grp
it's more relaxed
but just as efficient
but oh wells
still have IDEAs and ITAB PW
liddat GG liao lor
haix
heng i gona confirm my course change
but if nvr approve den i truly GG liao lor
how leh
chiong PW la
at least when i leave dun drag down others lor

wonder if anyone still reads my blog...
duno dun care
just type to relieve stress
keep myself sane
hahas....
da di dum
MOB liao
chiong lor

haha

2009-01-18T23:36:00.002+08:00

forth post of the day...
at least if i post it before midnite
well i just played wahjong
and big 2.5
well feel rather relaxed already
feel alot better

just signed in to say
well i kinda managed to get over
THEM
but well best wishes
especially when it's gona become long distance
ahhh...
i feel lighter
:P
but still a few regrets here and there
but oh wells
whats done is done
time cant reverse
time wait for no man
so well
will it wait for women??
hahas
sorry just bored
seriously bored
need ta sleep now...
ciao~

nothing left

2009-01-18T19:38:00.003+08:00

third post in a day...
so much thoughts in me
can i think straight??

just went ta meet THEM
they said they wanted to talk
well
just went along lor
i wonder...
do they know??
do they realise??
which part was true??
which part was a mask??
was it totally true??
was it totally false??
the scariest lie is half-truths
it may sound true but it isnt
can anyone see through it??
can anyone uncover it??
i wonder
can they
as the people who supposedly know me best
see through my mask
uncover my mask
can they??
can anyone??
im not perfect
someone should be able to
but till then
no one has
no one can

anyone afraid of the dark??
not me
i welcome it
i love it
i hide in it
can being innocent help anyone??
or can darkness help more??
i wonder...

this mask
too long
can anyone uncover it for me??
im so used to it that even i
forgot my true personality
or has it become my personality
being able to adapt fast
being able to change
is it good??
is it bad??
well
THEY dont seem to believe
THEY dont believe i can change
THEY dont know my scary part
THEY dont really know me
does anyone??
sometimes people i dont know
know me better than my friends
they can see through me
but my friends have be blinded
is this good??
is this bad??
do THEY expect to see me crying??
do THEY expect to see me sad??
do THEY expect to see my hidden face??
i wonder
my emotions are very well in place
they never show
not to any human
this wont change
no matter to whom
ever watched V for Vendetta??
i have a mask like that
one that smiles forever
and i wear it forever
can anyone see through the lie??
the lie that has been there since 7??
the lie that has been forgotten??
the lie that has never been uncovered??
i wonder
can you??
can THEY??
i doubt it
even if they see this
they will never know
when was i true
when was i masked
gone are the days of true happiness
gone are the days of emotions
i am now hidden forever

i wanna pull out of school...
for a year or so
to calm down
to think
to just lie there
not moving
but i cant
cuz no one can know about this
no one can realise this false mask
there is no choice for me
i must follow
i must continue
i must go forward
i must tear myself away
i must let go
i must forget

must i??
i dont want to
so many good times were spent with them
so many
uncountable
but they link to sad ones
to forget the sad
i must forget the good
do i have a choice??
i wonder

am i going insane??
the blow seemed alittle more
alittle more than my control
typing seems to help
cycling seems to help
but not enough
i just feel like smashing something someone
can i hold myself back??
can i suppress myself??
must i??
i know i can just let loose
all my anger
all my rage
but i mustnt
no one must know
no one can know
hidden are these feelings
hidden are these thought

the cruelty of the world is hidden
such is the illusion of reality
such is the darkness of reality

tainted reality
can truth survive??
can innocence survie??
or will they conform??
will they change??
will they adapt??
will they become like me??
a mask that hides the face forever
or will they remain true??
a person who stands out
a person who challenges change
a person who challenges the world
can you??
or will you succumb
to the darkness of the world??
i wonder...

done for

2009-01-18T16:23:00.000+08:00

wanted to write again but...
i was thinking
and chose not to
cuz it'll end up sad anyways...
no mood too
ah wells
needed to pass time so well
within a few mins
the worst news had been confirmed
and well
i have nothing to say at all
cant say it surprised me
cant say it didnt
i had such feelings before
i thought it was my imagination
apparently it wasnt
being a very observant person
i kinda felt it ever since we started going out
i just couldnt stop it i guess
what had to happen happened
so well nothing to remember
nothing to reminiscence
i found out from a book
a way to programme you mind
to force yourself to forget
image the memory as a picture
imagine yourself burning it
i wonder if it works??
well i could try it out
but not yet...
too many things still remind me of them
must forget those memories
must remove those items
soon
soon
i hope
i can only hope
one day they will be forgotten
one whom i knew all my life
and the other who stayed by me for nearly four years
one day even they can be forgotten
and force myself i will
one day
one day
tears hardly suface these days for me
is it because i expected this??
is it because i finished them in sec sch??
is it because i hate them??
if i cry will it help??
doubt it
even if i cried my eyes blind
my throat hoarse
my heart burnt
i doubt it
but enough
pondering on memories such as these are pointless
they will be forgotten
they will be removed
impossible you say
well i beg to differ
first step complete
second step underway
when it reaches the final step i will forget them
i will move on
till then i can only hope
slowly...
step by step
i can scale any mountain
step by step
i can walk any distance
step by step
anything can be done
i will tear down the obstacles
i will cut down all foe
anyone in my way
shall perish
that is my move
that is my decision
never look back
never retreat
forever forward
forever victorious
i will not stand down
i will not back off
headstrong is my attribute
stubborness is my way
no one can stop me
nothing can block me

done

2009-01-18T15:38:00.000+08:00

went cycling
left at 11-12
came back at bout 3-4
went to pasir ris
to tamp
then to tanah merah
onward to eunos
took longer than expected...
but feel so much better now
was think while cycling
i realised that being happy was but a choice
so i chose to be happy
what happened has happened
nothing can change that
only the perspective can be changed
if they want to be together...
they can have my blessings

ever heard of a love triangle??
what normally happens is that all three are hurt right??
but what if one takes all the pain onto himself??
will it work out??
i wonder
worry not
my abilty to not die or become depressed is rather strong
impossible possibly
my pain will show to no one
a mask will cover all emotion
eyes are said to be the windows to life
but what if i can even close these windows??
can anyone ever find out the truth??
emotions are meaningless
pull away from them
but no one will
i wonder why
oh wells
still got a long day ahead of me...
how can i spend time??
what shall i do??

gone

2009-01-17T21:24:00.000+08:00

i wanted to write a story today...
had a beatiful plot...
and fantasy story...
could have written it...
but oh wells...

recieved bad news two days back....
stumbled on worse news today...
sad aint it....
oh wells...
i guess when this kinda things happen...
all i need to do is just...
leave it all behind...
move on...
tear away all uneeded emotions...
will take awhile...
wont be online or blogging anytime soon...
rather be left in solitude...
i'll get over it...
just not so soon...

blood raging...
emotions soaring...
adrenaline pumping...
hate building...
slowly all these will disappear...

whats the point of being happy when everthing is just a farce...
whats the point of happiness when it make you know sadness...
whats the point of being elated when they still leave...

now everyone shall just see a front...
a false front...
a decpetion...
all the falsehoods will be hidden...
hidden so intricately behind more deceptions...
what is truth and what is lies???
will anyone know???
will anyone find out???
whoever finds out has to be a genius...
or the creator of this monstrous being...
the being of deception
the being of falsehoods
the being of lies
who will know???
ever so vigilant...
ever so careful...
will this being be found??
is it you??
is it me??
is it her??
who is it??
maybe it is not a person...
maybe it is many...
is it that group??
is it that cult??
is it that goverment??
who can it be??
is it hiding amongst the obvious??
is it hidden so deep within the depths of darkness??
who know??
i wonder...
can you figure it out??
such is the illusion of reality...
and such is the world...
everyone hides things..
everyone lies..
when do they lie??
and when do they not??
who can figure everyone out??
which genius has seen the truth??
which fool has fell to the darkness??
who defines such people??
self-proclaimers are liars
white lies are harmless...
how sure are you about that??
lies are still lies...
how can anyone not lie??
is it possible??
i wonder...
darkness reside in everyone...
collegues backstab
friends crush
familes devour
internal strife is so much scarier than an external foe
what can anyone do to stop this...
this downward spiral of the world...
can anyone stop it??
can anyone put an end to it??
not that i know of...
not yet so far...
such is the insanity of the world...
who defines sanity??
can you??
or are you conforming to the world's idea of sanity??
who say the insane are truly insane??
who says the sane are sane??
who knows??
a sane man could be insane
an insane man could be sane
am i sane??
the world says i am
but i dont feel that way
thoughts clogging up my mind
questions fill up my thoughts
so confused
so annoyed
is the world coming to an end
i hope so
at least then emotions will be no more
saddness causes hate
hate leads to vengence
vengence brings sadness
the neverending cycle
can anyone stop it before it worsens??
impossible...
will a mircle happen??
will my hate go away??
will my saddness disappear??
i doubt it...
it will however be suppressed...
along with many other memories...
many other experiences
many other feelings
many other emotions...
hidden away it will be
surface again it might
but who will know
when
how
where
other than myself no one else will know
everything shall be locked up
everything shall be hidden
everything shall be covered
can you see through my mask??
no one has
no one ever did
not for ten years...
no one can
no one will
is a smiling face always happy
is a laughing face truly happy
have you all been decieved??
who has and who hasnt??
am i always happy??
am i always laughing??
is it real??
or am i just entertaining you??
i wonder...
people come people go
who can remember every single person who cried??
who can remember every single mind that was lost??
who can remember every single pain of the world??
no one can
no one will
neither would many of us be remembered
along with the years everyone will be forgotten
can anyone remember the names of your ancestors??
who bothers??
who cares??
do you??
do you bother only about yourself??
or do you truly bother about those around you??
or are those a farce too??
who will know??
i wonder..
who can confirm everything that was supposedly the truth??
who can confirm everything that was supposedly lies??
who can??
who will??
lies can be spun to cover for other lies...
if we all lied just once a day
how many times you have lied by now??
remember you would need another lie to cover up for the previous one...
the endless number of possible lies...
can you see through them??
am i fine??
i wonder
am i sane??
i wonder
will anyone know??
will anyone find out??
will anyone even bother??
who knows??
who cares??
the world has billions of people
will anyone remember but one insignificant nameless person??
the many that are dying everyday
who remembers their names??
who remembers them??
no one but their family
and soon after years
no one at all
are you indisposible??
impossible
people come people go
its the same for you
its the same for me
its the same for everyone
end.

beautiful story??
sad memories??
these were just mere thoughts of mine
can you feel what im feeling now??
can you understand the pain im in??
can ou even comprehend my situation??
i wonder
how would you feel being torn apart by your only two best friends
how would you react
how can you react
you may choose one
but what if they both chose the other over you??
you will be thrown aside
discarded like a worthless item
do you have a choice??
leaving is but the only road left
torn apart and discarded

emotions... discarded
memories... discarded
thoughts... discarded
change... instilled
update... complete
thats the first few steps...
calming my self down...
hopefully THEY dont bother me anymore...
goodbye to THEM
there were good times
there were bad times...
but that was unacceptable...

course switch

2009-01-02T00:57:00.001+08:00

finally!!! my mum has approved of me transferring...
so im now looking around see wad course im actually interested in...
need ta do SAA and check out lor...
all the transfer stuffs...sian-ed
lazy do but no choice...
wana transfer must do all the procedures...
oh wellss....
most likely is tranfer to DDM
Diploma in Digital Media...
where i can finally learn to programme adobe...
maybe JAVA...
duno learn all best...
den can use mah...
nah...thinking too much into it liaoz...
l8r dun have den i GG liao lo...
but oh wells...
at least i might survive there...
no insult to DAC peeps but just i getting a little bored liao...
DAC 10 still rocks...
its just the modules alittle the sian...
gona choing finals den have chance to change course...
first need ta defer the NS thing...
oh wells...
see how lor...
if unlucky den i no choice go NS first den come back Poly...
if heng den is Poly aft tat NS...
up to MINDEF to approve or disapprove my deferment liao lor
what do i do now??
its 1am but still not sleepy leh...
oh wells....
CRS presentation wed...
guess i'll have to drag my grp down into hell with me...
muahahahahahahaha
but aft tat they will glimpse heaven when their marks are out
PS Alan...your info nt in yet...
PS Wilfrid...why nvr come on wed??
im gona murder both of them!!!
watch out in sch tmr :p
you'll see whats gona happen
new year's was boring this year...
normally i'd be wif my frens at marina watching fireworks...
but then dis year i rotted at YCK at my dad's fren place...
boringgggg...
until i found entertainment in the form of a PS3!!!
ROCK BAND rules...
guitar was fine for me...
drums were impossible...
well...i guess im nt suited to be a musician anyways...
been awhile since i did stories...well...
maybe i'll start again sometime soon...
hopefully...

yayyy

2008-12-21T01:26:00.000+08:00

hello
just finished CHIRSMASQUERADE
it was great fun...

but first it is my blabberings about church camp :P

Day 1...
Sunday
went to church for service as per normal
except we had huge bags all over the place...
after we had briefing where we were separated into our groups
we had stuff to remember...
of which i mermorised and still remember till now...yay!!!
ask some of my church friends...
im sure they'll be delighted to tell you their sufferings :P
we took a two hour bus ride to NUS Kent ridge hall
threw all our stuffs aside and went fer dinner
AT 6!!!
so early la...
wasnt even hungry
but still ate...hahas
we travelled to Temasek club fer service...
Reverend James Singh was the preacher fer the camp...
man he was great...
serious but fun...
only one word can describe him POWER

ok but after that it was sooo cool
we went back to wash up/sleep
but nooooo
everyone stayed at the main hall/lounge
AND TALKED!!!
WOW
but there was also snacks being sold to us!!!
i obviously bought some ;p
stayed up late till 1 memorising my verses

Day 2
Monday
started the day just on time...
woke up went fer breakfast then washed up...
lol
after i said JUST on time...
had ta rush breakfast to wash up...
next was devotion...where Jeramiah (sorry but my name spelling might not be all that great)
joined us...
then was moring service
and the timetable had C.I.P. after that but apparently it was a trick....
LIARS!!!
but yea during that time we had to do 5 stations instead...
5 stations of games that is
its was both fun yet stressful for during that time...
we had charades, preaching challenge, skit, memory verses, 10 questions to answer
we prepared for the like so:

charades : no way of preparation...just act out whatever you were told to do so
preaching challenge : Zhi Ming was the one doin the work...
Skit : i was calefare...started off the skit ( in a sense )
Memory Verses : memorised all 13 verses i had....and they were all crazy long...
10 questions to answer : know the book of matthew...

after that day we were all like "today can rest properly"
but it was still very fun!

Day 3
Tuesday
everything same except we had cell time...
i wanted to do sports...
Gabsty went to pick up "Aunty" Fang
Matthew went to "Soak"
James was forced to join me...
thats about all those present...
Gabsty and "Aunty" Fang came and watched our soccer match...
(nt very cell-time right?)
but anyways...it was still fun... :D
oh yeah...before we went to do our stuff...
we planned and set our cell goals fer '09...
must abide to it!!!
i left here...

Day 4
Wed
they all went to play games...
guess where??
SENTOSA!!!!
i wanted to go...
but had ta help someone out...
oh wells at least i went fer all the services...
my team apparently came in third...
if i was there im sure it would have been 1st or second!!!
wasted...but oh wells....

CHRISMASQUERADE!!!
it was seriously fun...
too bad some of us dint go...
oh wells...wana know more???
im nt telling here...
its wayyy toooo good to even type it out...
it would be an insult to the memory of it...
but here's a summary of what happened...

Pre-service prayer...
Praise and Worship
Service
Separated into "Families"
Learnt our "Family" Word
Went down to BASC
played a game called Family Feud
then as a mini entertainment,
we played smth called HUH?
then it was dinner
prize presentation
fellowship
end of celebration
packed up
left
at home
blogged :P

have fun people signing out now...
its 2am and an early merry Xmas to you guys...
good morning and im off to sleep...ciao

sick

2008-12-09T20:32:00.000+08:00

arghh...fell sick on sun...sick all the way thru mon...
was supposed to study for my ITAB2 but oh wells...
just took the test today...
hopefully i'll like pass...

was awake each time on mon for like 5 mins before going back to sleep...
so i kinda wasted my day...felt better at night tho...
so i managed to study alittle before sleeping again...

well...for me now holidays have finally begun...
but its only for three weeks...
cant they just push it back by one more week...
so it actually starts on a new year??
or what they want us the celebrate new year's in sch...
boring much...
oh wells...
no matter...once this week is over...
i'll have my church camp...
then alsitair will be back...real cool...
and apparently he attempted contacting me from Venice...
well i was sick...i wouldnt know now would i??

and yes i feel alot better now as compared to yesterday...
but still alittle weak...
snore...
duno what to do now...
havent eat dinner yet...
no appetitte...ah wells...
TTYL

music & blabberings

2008-12-04T21:55:00.000+08:00

ok...i've added a music component to my blog...
notice the head of the ninja....it actually moves up and down...
found it rather amusing...
ok next up shall be a tag board...

oh yea people...i just realised tagged was a fun place to meet random people...
spoke to some...
found them quite fun-loving (at least so far)

and YESSSSS
EXAMS ARE ALMOST OVER!!!!
ONE LOUSY CRAPPY TEST LEFT!!!GRR
but anyways its fun...i love my class...
rather amusing at times...actually not just rather...they are simply great people
but oh wells

my brudder from australia has gone to VENICE
dammit....unfair...
i wana go there too...
and he happily told me "oh we are not going there straight...we are goin to ROME first"
idiot...
irritating me only la he
but anyways i'll get pictures
loads of them...
he's rather handy with a camera...
after all he's my shifu in that aspect
the both of us are gona do smth...but its to be left undisclosed...
wana know more??
TOO BADD!!!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA....
but seriously...
dont bother asking for details...
its to be left UNDISCLOSED after all...

lalalas...im actually feeling extremely random...
but im controlling it abit before i go all weird...
only two persons have seen me HIGH...
but they were HIGH then too...
so im not to be blamed...
and i mean high HIGH
not drunk HIGH...
i just drank coffee at night and went well HIGH
...cant find another word for it...
HIGH just sounds so much better than anything else...
well...its starting to become a long post again...
so nights...

PS im not going to sleep yet...
its just im saying goodnight cuz im not posting later at night just to say it...
:P
have fun lives
peace out

randomness

2008-11-30T19:20:00.000+08:00

so sorry ya
was rather caught up with work
also was catching up with a great 'brudder' of mine
went to tamp trail
i finally realised that it was located at the intersection of tamp Ave 7 and 9
took me two years to realise that...lol
btw in the first post i said smth like nt wanting to post bout my stuffs...
but well scratch that...couldnt stand the temptation to just write random stuffs
tmr MST how leh
i wana just change course liddat
but how to need to find out how...
nt vry interested in acc actually
i can do la but lazy and also the other subjects
im like sian i dun need wan lor
besides i dont really care bout other people's accounts...
like dude you are paying me to count your money
harloooo no offense to accountants but i rather count my own money
i will feel shuang after that la
if making loss i obviously feel pain den will think of ways to make more money lor
i see other people's a/c den i also hack care
i anyhow do den wrong too bad la
got audits to edit for me wad
and den i see so much money is like a huge temptation in front of me to 'kop' abit la
but i wun do that la
much less to my own company...

abit the off topic liao hor
but thats the good thing about writing without a title :D
i can write anything and still be on the topic...lmaoz
but den liddat i also dun when to stop actually...
you all must be like -.-
but who cares...and i'll upload some stuffs here...
like tagboards...music whatnots...
just i find whatever i wana add den squeeze in here la

and i just realised im broke...
lucky near holis liao
like few hundred left lor...
from thousands leh
(not revealing numbers)
sianz so how now??
should i work??
errr....nahhhh
hahas...
too hyper to actually stay still in one place and do smth

senario 1
(macdonalds)

ME: (munch munch munch)
Boss: are you eating again??
can you for once do your work and stop eating??
ME: errr....later
Boss: (nags)
ME: (hack care and still eating)
Boss: one more time and im sacking you

the next day

ME: (munch munch munch)
Boss: are you eating again??
can you for once do your work and stop eating??
ME: errr....later
Boss: (nags)
ME: (hack care and still eating)
Boss: im sacking you

thats pretty much whats gona happen :P

senario 2
(TAKA Sales)

ME: sian-ed
Customer : ah boy arh....can help me take that thing??
ME: orh
Customer : thank you hor...
ME: np
Customer : actually hor i dun wana liao
ME: -.-
Customer : can help me put back??
ME: ok
(waits for customer to leave)
(shoves item under the shelf)
Boss: hmm...we seem to have a missing item
you know where it is??
ME: nope
(after watching video cam)
Boss: you'r fired

exaggrated it alittle...but still pretty much whats gona happen...

ah wells...feel alot more relaxed now...
so back to the very top...
should i change my course??
i wana change to a writing course
learn how to write nicer, better more entertaining...

lalalas

random stuffs

DISCLAIMER
very random maybe illogical stuff below
if you are too logical and stern do not read
hahas jkjking but seriously i dont think they make sense at all
but i thought up of some nice .... er loss of words...
proverbs? duno you can define them...

i am who i am
i do what i do
and cuz you aint me
you cant do it like this

time waits for no man

happiness is but a choice

smile and make someone's day
frown and ruin another's day

leave the past in the past
let bygones stay bygones

every move is a choice

rhythm is everywhere
we cant live without it
no rhythm lives without us
footsteps heartbeats breathing

change is constant
nothing else is

dry rose petals
red round circles
frame your eyes
and stain your knuckles

they make no sense read together but separated they are alot more loggical
ah wells...
anyone here can add me on tagged or smth
if you wana maybe on msn

hmm

2008-10-13T12:14:00.000+08:00

sorry was tired yesterday...
so i didnt write anything...
so like i promised one of my church friends...
here's a story about Dentures...
why dentures...
i dont even have any yet...
neither do i want any
oh yea FYI...
she's studying dentistry...
that should explain the link to dentures...

DENTURES

well it took me long to think of it but still nothing...brain rather dead now...went cycling on sat...met a few kiddies at the tampines BMX park...well some of them kinda annoyed me so i went off for one lap and they all kinda started leaving...lol...well so i had the place all to myself so i started training....but anyways im super bored class starting so im leaving this for later...

Idea from a friend

2008-10-12T00:33:00.000+08:00

i wouldnt mind if you guys would think of one-word titles from my essays...
helps me think and write more stories...
but anyways...
i have no idea on what to write about...
my mind is a total blank as of now...
hmm...lets see who's online...

JERK

CROWN

CANDIES

DENTURES (had to force this one out)

PEN

CHAIR

BOOKS

MONEY

yay...
got some words from friends...

which should i use??
maybe a combination...
right got it :D (imagine a light bulb)

for those who think all Royalty are nice people
I've decided to write a story to oppose the idea

CROWNED JERK

Imagine a time during your secondary school. The class was as noisy as ever. The classroom was stuffy and hot. A really lousy atmosphere for studying. When suddenly out of nowhere a wave of perfumed air hits you. Every single eye turned toward this new student. Everything about him seems to be screaming out "I AM RICH". However it was also impossible to rob him. This was an understatement. He was surrounded by a gang of bodyguards. Every class he was in, there would be at least 5 bodyguards outside the classroom. Not to mention an army around the school's boundary. If you walked a little too close to him, every bodyguard would be ready to pounce on you.

After awhile, he approached you. You, someone who previously was no where near popularity, suddenly had everyone's attention.

"Will you be my girlfriend?" was all he said, as he extended out his hand.

Audible gasps could be heard. In fact the entire classroom had just became dead silent. Every single soul in the class even the teacher was awaiting your reply. With so much pressure on you, what could you do? The attention you longed for, the richest, most gentlemanly person in the entire school was asking you out. The choice was obvious.

"Yes, of course."

With that you took his hand and left the classroom. Leaving behind an utterly dumbstruck class.

From then the both of you grew closer, on the first date you guys started holding hands. After a few more it progressed to kissing. Of course being the richest kid around all your dates were paid solely by him. Being his girlfriend was like having an all-expense paid life. It was almost the life of a royalty. By getting closer, it meant you slowly learnt more about him. He was apparently the Prince of the Last Kingdom of Earth, and the king was on the top 10 list of the world's richest person. Being the sole heir to this kingdom, he was therefore allowed to use the money in his father's treasury. So he had Billions on his hand to spend. He also owned different apartments on Singapore, one in Sentosa, a few at Orchard area and of course a whole building in a condominium estate.

I wonder who in their right mind would not want to stay on in this relationship. However, soon he brought you home on the pretext of meeting his parents. Since it was only polite to concur to a King’s wishes, you had to agree. He held your hand all the way to his house at Sentosa. Throughout the entire journey, he elaborated on how his parents were highly traditional and that she could not meet them in such simple clothes like a school uniform. At first you wanted to go back home and change, but he insisted it’s a waste of time and that he wasn’t polite to be late. Giving in to his reasoning, you agreed to use some of his sister’s clothes. This led you to wonder since he was the sole heir how could he have a sister. He brushed it off simply, giving the reason that being traditional the Kingdom righteously goes to the firstborn male child. Having no idea on how kingdoms work, you just took his reason to be true.

Upon reaching his house, he looked around if his parents were home yet. Luckily they were not.

“Ok. Right now I need you to go and change. Second level, first room on the left. Be quick.”

Following his instructions, you entered the room. The clothes were already laid out on the bed. They were traditional clothes from his country. Unsure if it was the right set, you took it out and asked him. He dashed up the stairs and studied it.

“Yeah that’s the one.”

“Must I really wear this?”

“As I said being very traditional, my parents would prefer my girlfriends to be dressed in our country’s traditional clothes.”

Submitting to this one condition of his you willingly obliged.

Entering the room once again, you started undressing. While you were doing so he suddenly barged into the room. Dress in only your under garments, your instant reaction was to cover up. Jamming the door shut, he turned and faced you. A sinister look was on his face. Tearing away the last of your clothes, he pushed you onto the bed. Struggling against him as he pressed himself upon you, but it was to no avail.

After that one night, did you realise that the gentlemanly man you once knew was just a front he used.

Undergoing such an experience, you vowed to show the school his true colours. Of course since he had such great popularity, no one believed you. They all just said that you were attempting to shame him because he dumped you. Slowly you found more of his victims. All of them were like you, unpopular. You saw through his plan. He took advantage of the less popular girls as no one would believe them. As time went on, his number of victims grew to such an extent that it was nearly half the school’s girls. Even though you were still attempting to fight against him, bringing the victims together was almost impossible. Many were becoming more and more suicidal while many more were in denial. Only a minute amount managed to pull themselves together and took a stand against him.

Only a year after your fateful incident did enough witnesses stand up against him. They brought him to court and of course being rich, he did not have to be jailed. He was forced to leave the country, but it was on his private jet plane. You managed to salvage around a quarter of the school’s girls. All of those who stood up against him were a less probable choice as a girlfriend as they had been tainted. Sad to say, although you are a heroine amongst the girls, no guy wanted you as a girlfriend. But the reassuring thing was that the Crowned Jerk has left the country, never to set foot near you anymore.

yep...another late night essay done...

thanks to all those who helped me get the words... :D

intro

2008-10-11T01:20:00.000+08:00

this blog was decided to be made just for the sake of fun...
dont expect regular post or in fact dont expect anything much...
this blog will most likely be used just for me to write stories...
but if you are lucky or however you deem it you may find occasional rants bout stuff...
of course they will be hidden in story form...
have fun looking for them
and im not bothering with a tagboard leave comments if you have to
i'd love tips on how to improve my writing
but dont mail me on my typing...
i am capable of good standard english...
but just too lazy to write it all out...
so im using its simpler version aka Singlish...
also dont hate mail me its a waste of both our time...
i read comments waste time looking at hate comments...
you waste you own time typing it out...
besides im rather unaffected by what others think of me...
if you think you can change me by posting comments...
have fun trying but it'll never work out...
enough with this boring part...

here's an ad

hey guys if ya all didnt know there's a really funny comedian...
go on to youtube.com and search nigahiga
he is by far one of the best i've seen
if you guys feel he is worthy then please subscribe to him...
also he has just done a new movie...
as for its release dates and location they are still unknown...
i'd recommend these vid from him to you guys
the (how to be a ...) series
the (message to haters)
the (ninja glare) - its a good song made by them
the (number 21)
the (i want to play a game)
so on so forth...
decided to stop before i write all of their vids out...

hmm what else...
i wonder..
should i start on my stories??
its getting late...
here's a short one...
i hope

Illusion at home

Most kids these days have gotten used to the idea of a beautiful lifestyle. One whereby they were allowed to stay at home all day and as some people says 'relac one corner'. This was how Ryan lived his life. His life was revolving around games. His room was literally filled up with all sorts of games. Board games like Monopoly, Game of Life, Chess and many more, piled up upon them were computer games of all ages. The oldest of computer games was "Spacewar!" and the newest consisted of "Command & Conquer: Tiberium Wars" and Fall Out 3. If you are wondering how this one kid had such a range of games then here's the secret - his parents.

Even after such an amount of games, most of which were never opened, he still clamoured for the latest games console, namely the Nintendo Wii, the Sony PlayStation 3 and Microsoft Xbox360. Being the utterly spoilt brat he was, the first thing he did was to sulk when his parents said no. The parents had no idea what to do as he was their firstborn. Having no experience they gave in to every little whimper he did. Thus he ended up with everything he ever wanted.

However he had no idea how much economical strain he was placing onto his parents. They were barely able to scrape through living with both their combined incomes, they were just able to put aside one thousand after deducting the utility bills. This was bad enough and yet now having an additional kid was worse. They were using more than what they could spare to satisfy their child's wants. Having no choice, they resorted to borrowing money from relatives and friends. Slowly, the closest of people drew away from them due to the large debts they owed. Without an alternative, they looked to the underworld. They took a loan from the loan sharks. The money came with a price. At first things looked up for them. They had extra cash to use, lived a more luxurious life and even 'upgraded' themselves. They moved to a Bungalow in the town area, bought a Mercedes, BMW and even a Lamborghini Reverton.

These soon disappeared when the end of the year came. The amount they owed from 10 million went to an even larger sum of 100 million. How was this possible? Simply by having a compound interest rate of 50%. Without realising, the life they had gotten used to was about to be torn away. All knows about the ruthlessness of these underworld people. The family was separated forcefully, with the woman dragged into a room with about 20 guys (the activity in the room shall not be disclosed but I am sure many knows exactly what happened within) while the male was dragged out and slugged (beaten up). Mercy was shown to the kid but the emotional trauma he had to go through was scary enough.

Little by little the things around him cracked when suddenly he heard

“And that’s what would happen if you treated your child like that.”

Awakening, Ryan’s dad realised how to bring up this first born of his.

“I realise why everyone says you are the best illusionist of all time. Almost 16 years of my life just within an hour. What’s more is that it felt more like reality compared to now.”

Hearing that the doctor simply smiled.